CBT for Social Anxiety: Building Confidence One Step at a Time
“I don’t want to go because I don’t know anyone”
“People are staring at me”
“I must make sure I have someone with me”
“They’re judging me”
“You sound stupid”
These are thoughts that I encounter on a daily basis when faced with social situations. The gym, social events, parties, even work.
Social anxiety is one of those experiences that can feel incredibly isolating, even though so many people quietly struggle with it. If you’re someone who worries about what others think, feels tense in social situations, or overthinks conversations long after they’ve finished, you’re certainly not alone. Social anxiety can affect anyone – at school, at work, in friendships, on dates, or even in everyday interactions like making a phone call or asking for help in a shop.
The tricky part about social anxiety is that it can be sneaky. It can convince you that you’re the only one who feels this way or that other people are naturally confident and carefree while you’re the odd one out. But the truth is very different: social anxiety is common, understandable, and treatable.
At Bradshaw Therapy & Wellbeing, I work with many individuals who feel overwhelmed by social situations, and one approach that consistently makes a meaningful difference is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). If you’re curious about how CBT can help you or you can recognise yourself in what you’re reading, you’re always welcome to reach out for support.
Let’s break it down in a calm, friendly way, so you can get a clearer picture of what social anxiety is – and how CBT can help you move forward.
What Social Anxiety Really Looks Like
Social anxiety shows up differently for everyone, but there are some common themes.
You might notice things like:
Worrying about coming across as awkward, boring, strange, or “too much”
Overthinking what to say before you even speak
Replaying conversations afterwards, picking apart every detail
Avoiding social situations, even when part of you wants to go
Feeling physically tense – maybe your heart races, your face gets hot, or your stomach churns
Feeling “on edge” in groups or when you feel watched or judged
Some people experience social anxiety only in certain situations – speaking in meetings, giving presentations, attending social events, or meeting new people. Others feel it more broadly and start organising their whole lives around avoiding discomfort.
If any of this resonates, please know that you’re not flawed or broken. Social anxiety often comes from a combination of past experiences, learned patterns of thinking, and the pressure we put on ourselves to be “perfect” in social settings.
Why Social Anxiety Feels So Powerful
One of the most challenging parts of social anxiety is the cycle that keeps it going. And it’s a bit of a masterpiece in how clever the human brain can be.
Let’s imagine you have a meeting at work where you need to speak up.
A thought might pop up:
“I’m going to say something stupid.”
That thought triggers anxiety, maybe with physical symptoms like a tight chest, shaky hands, or a warm face. Because that feels so uncomfortable, you might do something to protect yourself – maybe keeping quiet, rushing through what you have to say, avoiding eye contact, or preparing your contribution over and over again to the point where it drains you.
In the short term, the avoidance eases the anxiety. But in the long term, your brain gets the message that the situation really was threatening. It thinks:
“Good job avoiding that – let’s keep avoiding things like this in future.”
And before you know it, social anxiety starts shrinking your world.
How CBT Helps Break the Cycle
This is where CBT comes in. CBT is an evidence-based approach used widely in the NHS and private practice, and it’s particularly effective for social anxiety because it directly addresses the patterns of thinking and behaving that keep anxiety going.
Here’s what therapy usually focuses on:
1. Understanding Your Patterns
In CBT, we slow everything down and gently piece together what happens for you personally. Social anxiety isn’t the same for everyone, so it’s helpful to map out your thoughts, physical feelings, and the behaviours you use to cope.
A lot of people discover “safety behaviours” they didn’t even realise they were using:
Rehearsing sentences in their head
Speaking quietly to avoid attention
Avoiding eye contact
Holding a drink or phone tightly to feel less exposed
Staying on the edge of a group
Overpreparing emails, presentations, or messages
These behaviours are understandable, but they keep anxiety in place. Noticing them is the first step towards change.
2. Challenging Unhelpful Thoughts (Gently!)
CBT isn’t about forcing positive thinking. Instead, I help people look at their thoughts as possibilities, not facts.
For example:
“Everyone will notice how anxious I am.”
CBT helps you test whether this thought is accurate, helpful, or realistic. More often than not, people realise that others are far less focused on them than they imagine.
This isn’t done in a pushy way – it’s done with curiosity, warmth, and small steps. The aim isn’t to convince yourself you’re amazing. It’s simply to adopt a more balanced, compassionate way of thinking.
3. Reducing Avoidance and Safety Behaviours
This part can sound daunting, but in practice it’s gentle and collaborative. You never have to do anything you’re not ready for.
Together, we create small, manageable experiments that help you see situations differently. For example, if you normally rehearse your sentences before speaking in a meeting, you might gradually experiment with saying something more spontaneously.
Or if you always avoid talking first in a group, you might practise something tiny like saying hello or asking a simple question. These steps build confidence naturally over time.
People are often surprised by how freeing this can feel. Instead of trying to control every detail, you start experiencing situations more authentically – and anxiety slowly loses its grip.
4. Building Sustainable Confidence
CBT isn’t about becoming the most confident person in the room. It’s about helping you feel more grounded, more capable, and less afraid of being yourself.
Many people who complete CBT for social anxiety say things like:
“I no longer replay conversations for hours.”
“I speak up more at work without panicking.”
“I feel more present around other people.”
“I trust myself more.”
CBT offers tools that you can take into everyday life, so the progress keeps building long after therapy ends.
Common Myths About Social Anxiety and CBT
Because social anxiety thrives on self-criticism and worry, people often hold onto beliefs that simply aren’t true. Here are a few I hear all the time:
“Everyone else is confident – I’m just socially awkward.”
Not at all. Confidence varies hugely from person to person, and many outwardly confident people feel anxious on the inside.
“I should be able to fix this on my own.”
Anxiety is not a personal failure. It’s a pattern the brain learns, and therapy is simply a way of unlearning it with support.
“Therapy will make me do things I’m uncomfortable with.”
Good CBT never forces you into anything. It’s always collaborative and paced to suit you.
“It’s too late for me.”
It really isn’t. People of all ages work through social anxiety successfully.
You Don’t Have to Keep Struggling Alone
Social anxiety can deeply affect your quality of life – from relationships to career opportunities to everyday confidence. If you’ve been carrying this silently for a long time, please know that things can get better.
CBT offers a structured, supportive, and empowering way to understand why you feel this way and how to change the patterns that keep anxiety going. Many of the people I work with tell me they wish they’d reached out sooner.
If anything in this blog resonates with you – even if you’re not sure whether therapy is “right” for you yet – you’re very welcome to get in touch. Sometimes a simple conversation is all you need to explore your options and see what support might help.
I offer a warm, understanding space where you can talk through what’s been happening for you, without judgement or pressure. Whether you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure where to start, we can work together to help you build confidence, reduce anxiety, and feel more at ease in your social world.
Whenever you’re ready, I’m here.
